Zhong Han

*Zhong Han: Many people have asked me “who the hell is that girl who spews all that verbal diarrhea on your facebook wall?” Ok, the verbal diarrhea was embellished, but people are curious, who is this girl who posts constantly? My stalker, of course! While teaching in China, and directly after a heart wrenching break up (have you ever been dumped for an arranged marriage? ¡No me gusta!), I meet an English student two years my elder, and for whatever reason, she wants some of this. In need of a rebound, I go for it. Little did I know that after one kiss, in the eyes of this 25 year old “woman,” I had tacitly agreed to be with her foreverever. Little did she know that her daydreams of green cards and la vie de luxe Stateside coming to fruition were about as plausible as me being elected Premier of China. After a few months of what I affectionately refer to as “the Dark Times,” I fled to Southeast Asia where Zhong Han could not follow me (for monetary and visa reasons). Even though the physical aspect of her stalkerdom ended abruptly, the virtual stalking had just commenced, and with hilarious consequences! Thanks to her myriad incomprehensible facebook posts and text messages, laughter abounds!

(WRITTEN JANUARY 8, 200