Final NCAA Tournament thoughts:

• Way to crap the bed semifinalists! Good thing no one was watching UNC/UCLA! CBS must have been shitting themselves because those were two of the least exciting Final Four games since, well, Kansas beat the living crap out of another team: 2003 against Marquette’s Dwayne Wade (I am prone to calling him Dwade Wayne, but that’s a story for another time).

• This is what Memphis gets for not joining the Big East. Come play with the Big Boys week-in and week-out then maybe you’d know how to win those kinds of games. You know, the one where you have a NINE POINT LEAD WITH TWO MINUTES LEFT.

• “Memphis’ free throw shooting will be their downfall. I can’t say whether it’ll be in the second round or the Final Four, but an abysmal performance at the line will be the reason for their tournament demise. ” See, I don’t get EVERYTHING wrong. And, yes, i know every pundit in the country said this, but they didn’t say it so definitively. So, there!

• In the women’s field, the Nappy-headed Hoes of Tennessee prevailed over the Nappy-headed Hoes of Stanford (I subscribe the neo-Canadian school of thought concerning team-naming; in other words, if everyone can be the Roughriders, then everyeone can be the Nappy-headed Hoes)

• Memphis’ Dozier is playing through some sort of post-penal work-release program, right?

• I wish I’d been in Vegas for this tournament. At halftime, I would’ve bet against every team with a 10-20 point lead because a double digit lead with more than ten minutes remaining (except in Semis) was this year’s kiss of death. Instead, my smörgåsbord of bets was reduced to nothing but meaningless paper. Oh, well, maybe father will forget I owe him forty bucks, and then I’ll be even for the tournament!

• Roy Hibbert, in spite of his abysmal NCAA Tourney, still made the All-American Second Team. Well, since there are only, like, 8 true centers in all of college basketball, he would have had to start scoring baskets for the opposition to have lost out on that honor.

• And, congrats to Ohio State, who finally won a Championship. However, because it was the NIT, this only makes me and the rest of Gator Nation laugh harder.

A Few More Tourney Thoughts…

-On a sad note, the Brog’s favorite player, Tennessee’s Ramar Smith (for obvious reasons), is no longer in the tourney. Fortunately, he’s only a sophomore, so it’s inevitabre that we wirr see a rot more of Ramar next year.

-Also, because of West Virginia’s elimination, the search phrase that has generated no less than 20 hits to the Brog will probably appear far less frequently. The phrase? “Pittsnogle + meth.” That’s right, people, I’m not the only one that put 2 and 2 together.

-On a brighter note, Xavier’s progression means I will continue to receive text messages from my little brother (an avid X supporter) after Drew Lavender makes a positive contribution that read only “WE WANT PRENUP” due to the diminutive point guard’s uncanny resemblance to Kanye West.

-Dad was in Vegas, and I asked for him to put money on a couple of teams for me, in what I like to call my Tourney smörgåsbord: The X at 25-1 (not a bad bet for an elite eight side), Wisconsin at 15-1 (revenge bet anyone?), Stanford at 15-1 (I like money only slightly more than I hate the Lopez twins) and my safety bet of UNC at 3-1 in order to offset the riskier bets. Do I actually think any of the former teams will win? No, but if one does, you’ll be looking at the mayor of Chipotle city.

A Georgetown Eulogy

Today, we say goodbye to another season of Georgetown basketball. As with many eulogies, the eulogizer will probably struggle to get through this. I’ve already tried to write this three times already, but the only tangible results thusfar are three empty cartons of Haagen-Dazs and a number of balled-up Kleenexes. Over the previous two years, I have been able to cope with Georgetown’s exit from the Tournament, because Georgetown was eliminated in a fashion that made its fans proud. Against the Gators in 2006, the Hoyas were the only team to play them close the entire tournament, and even had a shot to win. Last year, Georgetown inspired Hoya Paranoia for the first time in more than a decade with an emotional run to the Final Four, which included an epic comeback over favorite North Carolina. Obviously, we were disappointed to lose to the Ohio State University (I had flown to Shanghai just to be able to watch the game), but we quickly realized that a Final Four run was nothing to be ashamed of. This year was a completely different story. Georgetown lost in ignominious fashion to a ten seed (granted, an underrated one) in a game marred with complacency. It wasn’t always that way; Georgetown, as frequently happened this season, shot out to an early first half lead as a result of ironclad defense and efficient offense. Georgetown’s defense shut down the prolific Curry allowing him fewer points than missed field goals. The second half was a completely different tale, in which a double digit lead evaporated and Georgetown’s defense relented, which allowed the mercurial Curry to take over the game. What was arguably the most disappointing facet of this second half collapse was the pervasive apathy by the Georgetown Seniors. The only players who looked like they wanted to advance to the Sweet Sixteen for the Hoyas were underclassmen Jessie Sapp, DaJuan Summers, and Christ Wright, all of whom will have another crack at a National Championship. Seniors like Patrick Ewing, Junior, Roy Hibbert, and, in particular, Jon Wallace had lifted us up in crunch time all year. In the last five minutes, these supposedly clutch players disappeared. Where was the energy, Pat? Where was the “monster,” Roy (foul trouble was a hindrance, but I still would have expected more)? Where was the desperately needed clutch three, Jon? My theory for the reason behind the Georgetown collapse is two-fold. A) Up 17 in the second half, the Hoyas had already begun daydreaming about a trip to Detroit, the hero’s welcome they’d receive upon their return to campus, and the spoils (read: hos) that come along with it. By the time they were cognizant of the Davidson comeback, it was too late. B) One of the most often cited facts about this Georgetown team is that they were 6-0 in teams decided by three points or less. Armed with this knowledge, the players seemed to be awaiting divine intervention to win the game, as opposed to taking initiative in order to win the game.

The most obvious question leaving this game is why didn’t Georgetown get the ball to Roy in the post more often. I am of the impression JT3 should’ve called more plays for the big man, though I have to admit the refs weren’t making Thompson’s job any easier. Blaming the referees in a loss is the ultimate cop-out, but on two occasions, offensive fouls were given to Roy solely on the basis that Davidson’s Sander, who was covering the towering Hibbert and fell over while fighting for position, was six inches and fifty pounds smaller. If a team puts a smaller player on a center, that should not be the burden of the center. The referees have been offensive-foul happy this entire tournament, and a few questionable calls prevented Roy from effectively asserting himself on the offensive end. Georgetown has won without a big contribution from Roy (most notably against Villanova in the Big East Tourney) on a number of occasions, and his ineffectual play should not shoulder all of the blame for Georgetown’s loss. The fact that Georgetown turned over the ball once every two minutes should be the reason cited for the loss (without the turnovers, Curry never gets hot from downtown, period).

Though they ended their careers in disappointing fashion, other than the last ten minutes, I am so thankful and proud of the play of all our Seniors throughout their careers: even you, Tyler Crawford. Patrick Ewing served as a catalyst for game-winning runs in a number of crucial Big East games. Without Jon Wallace, Georgetown would have never made it to the Final Four last year. And, Roy, no one has sacrificed more than you. Your draft stock probably dropped 10 slots because of your selfless decision to stay for your Senior year. And even though your career didn’t end with a National Championship, you will always be revered by the Georgetown faithful as a hero for your refreshingly magnanimous decision when you could have easily abandoned the Hilltop for the riches of the pro game. You will all be missed.

Finally, I feel I owe the people of Davidson an apology. This is actually not the first time those words have escaped my mouth. Sophomore year I was roofied (at least my version of the story says I was) while at a Davidson house party, managed to find my way back to my friends dorm, passed out over one of the second floor toilets. I awoke the next morning in a different room with some stranger informing me that it was time for me to leave. In this case, I apologize for callously dismissing your chances against the Hoyas. You may be shocked to find out I watched a number of Davidson games this year (Davidson got screwed against UCLA) and used what I gathered from those games as a basis for my hypothesis that Davidson didn’t match up well with Georgetown (and I was right for a half), not to mention I was growing more and more frustrated with the pervasive knob-slobbing of Davidson by the national media and the resulting marginalization of my beloved Hoyas. I would like to clarify that I have a deep admiration for Davidson College. True, there’s no way I would’ve ever gone to Lake Highland North nor will I ever forgive Stephen Curry, his convivial smile, and his limp-wristed chest pump, but I have a profound respect for the school (and it’s potent jungle juice) because a number of people whom I respect and consider incredibly intelligent have attended the school. Congratulations, I look forward to watching more of Andrew “Dale” Lovedale’s play, and, in what should be good news for Davidson’s chances, I just had my father put ten bucks on Wisconsin for me.

Can We Manipulate The Date of St Patty’s To Be On a Saturday Every Year? If Easter Can Do It, So Can We!

Last Saturday morning, I set off for our nation’s capital bright and early in the morning. Unfortunately, because I had to buy a last-minute ticket, I was forced to change planes in Newark, endure a four hour layover, and then proceed to Dulles. Well, only a few hours before, Georgetown had advanced to the finals of the Big East tournament in New York, and a persuasive Petey K convinced me to abandon my DC travel plans and embrace the Big Apple. So, upon landing in Newark, as opposed to waiting patiently for my connecting Continental flight, I defected to New Jersey. Fearing the government had gotten wind of my plans, I briskly fled from the airport, purchased my NJ Transit tickets (and acquired an absurd number of Sacagewehas in the process), and began the hour long journey to my buddy Boof’s pad. An hour and a half later (God Bless mass transit), I found my way to Chez Boof, where he and Petey K were anxiously anticipating my arrival (or so they claim. I remain skeptical). As it was St Patrick’s Day, my two college buds were ready to commence the Irish festivities. I, however, had different plans: a panda-nap. Disappointed, Boof and Pete began an exploratory mission of the West Side’s dives without their most Irishly French of friends. Even though my St Patty’s commenced in dilatory fashion, the nap was absolutely requisite as I had not slept the night before out of sheer excitement. In the post-clutch-naperoo era, my first act in St Patty’s Day Act 1 Part 2 was to rendez-vous with mis amigos in the midst of a pub crawl. Much to my horror, even at the dumpiest of bars in the city, each beloved Guinness would cost me six Sacagewehas (even at the trendiest bars in Orlando, five bucks is the most one would expect to pay for black gold). Four Guinni and a plethora of assertions concerning Georgetown’s infallibility in the Big East tourney and that Chris Wright might as well change his last name to Paul later, we opted to try out our own shooting skills with a little game of Beirut. We spotted two 35 year old yuppies struggling to hit cups, so, naturally, we challenged them to a high stakes, best of three, two bucks a game series. Not surprisingly, we dominated the face-off as these fellas’ limited motor skills were only rivaled by their minimal IQs [these two geniuses were unable to discern that Pete, Boof, and myself (all clad in Georgetown apparel) what school we had attended and asked, in all sincerity, if we had gone to Georgetown] As well, the head cheesedick had the audacity to call the elbow rule on me when his partner was hands down the most egregious offender. Needless to say, there was no post-game drink with our discouraged, testy counterparts. As the clock struck seven, we decided it was time to move downtown towards Madison Square Garden to find a few fellow Georgetownians. In front of the Garden, we met our impeccably-clad
(think: Gray “We Are Georgetown” T, jeans, loafers, beige sport coat), hedge fund-trading friend Pete Serene and
our shodilly-clad, unemployed amigo Jon “the Edwards campaign’s VP of manjam” Albanese. After a colossal group hug, we opted to enter MSG early to soak up the atmosphere and pay even more astronomical prices for booze (obviously a St Patty’s Day staple). Even though the actual game left a lot to be desired from the Georgetown fan’s perspective, the atmosphere did not disappoint. In our drunken haze, the Georgetown fans chanted mightily and disparaged condescendingly the Pittsburgh faithful. The Pittsburgh fans were perhaps more loquacious but not as articulate, which meant we were subjected to excruciatingly bland chants such as “Let’s Go Pitt!” and “P-I-T-T” (we determined that they were able to perfect their cheers only because they had all of football season to practice), whereas our fight song includes words like “cradle,” “proudly,” and “Boola-Boola.” As the game progressed, the loathsome Pitt fans grew increasingly louder, and their racket was directionally proportional to our level of being pissed off. The guy sitting next to me, a Georgetown grad from the Class of ‘02, who initially was a pretty affable guy, became so frustrated with one particularly obnoxious Pitt supporter that he tried to start a rumble. Thanks to copious amounts of St Patty’s juice, the fight was nothing more than an ephemeral skirmish highlighted by some pathetic flailing on the Georgetown fan’s part before an undercover cop intervened. Meanwhile, Petey K had gone to the bathroom where he had this enlightening exchange: Random Pitt Fan: “Fuck Georgetown!” PTK: “Don’t be such a douchebag.” RPF: “Watch your fucking mouth!” Hypocrisy at its finest courtesy of your Big East Champions, Pitt! Mired in depression, we attempted to escape the clutches of the Garden and the opposition’s victory celebrations as quickly as possible in order to further drown our sorrows and hopefully relegate this memory into the lobe of the brain labeled “forgotten.” We randomly ran into some old friends (incruding my rong rost friend Berry!) and we all headed to the Crocodile Lounge where I unwisely volunteered to buy the first and only round of Irish car bombs setting me Lord knows how far back. I can tell you with some authority that nothing interesting happened at this bar except for a solid 20 minutes straight of “WE ARE GEORGETOWN!” and “How long’s it been?!” The ten of us were easily the least popular people in the bar, so we ventured elsewhere. While strolling, we happened upon Nevada Smiths, the home of the US’ only official Olympique Lyonnais fan club, which served as a pseudo-pilgrimage for your Brog author. However, when I found an OM jersey hanging on the wall, I became incensed and began screaming in incomprehensibly slurred French about the culinarily deficient Marseille citizens, much to my friends’ bemusement. Later, Mister Serene and I decided (actually, emphasis on Serene) a surefire plan to meet a female young professional would be to buy a rose from a homeless person. This worked about as well as the “Kiss Me I’m Irish” t-shirt. After our inability with the ladies became painfully evident, we settled for some late night munchies and a foggy cab ride later, I found myself semi-concious on Boof’s floor, content with an epic St. Patty’s.

Thoughts and Predictions on the NCAA Tournament

-First of all, I have to say I was mighty impressed with the tourney selection committee. Seemingly every year, the committee makes some baffling inclusion that one could only assume was the result of a sizable bribe (remember the Air Force decision a few years back?) or some inexplicable exclusion like Syracuse last year (They may be my alma mater’s arch enemy, but I don’t like to see them screwed arbitrarily). This year, the boys in the war room did an impeccable job with their selection of the 65 participants. Granted, their job was a little easier this year than usual; on Wednesday of conference tournament week, 8 teams tried their best to play their way OUT of the real tourney. Furthermore, I was impressed with the “aggressive seeding” employed by the committee. They did not indiscriminately follow the AP Poll to determine a team’s rank; a decision I applaud. For example, one top 5 team didn’t get a 1 or 2 seed, and one top 10 team in the poll was not considered a top 24 team by the selection committee. The two polls are often fallacious because many of the voters are only able to watch a handful of games a week, which usually means that the amount of television coverage and hype end up effecting rankings more than actual talent on the basketball court. Because the selectors use a more intricate and precise system to determine seeds, their rankings of college sides are far more accurate, which is why I’m avoiding picking Butler like the plague. Of course, I did not agree with every placement; par exemple, I felt Indiana, a top 25 side from a major conference with only 7 losses, should not have to play the top ranked seed in the tourney only a few miles from their opposition’s campus in the second round. As well, I think Xavier/Georgia were both mutually screwed. A protected seed should not have to play a major conference champion. Yes, Georgia had a horrendous season until about a week ago, but only a legitimately talented side can win the SEC tournament. Georgia should not have to play a protected seed in the first round and Xavier shouldn’t be rewarded for an almost-flawless season having to play a red-hot team from the conference that has produced the past two national championship teams.

-Anyone who picks Butler is a terrorist. Why? You’re picking against the USA. That’s a first round no-brainer.

-Memphis’ free throw shooting will be their downfall. I can’t say whether it’ll be in the second round or the Final Four, but an abysmal performance at the line will be the reason for their tournament demise.

-I feel badly for Cornell. The Ivy League representative can usually at least count on being the intellectually superior side in their first round match-up in the NCAA Tournament. Unfortunately for the university that is home to the nation’s preeminent ornithology lab, this year they will be the inferior side in terms of both ball skillz and smartz. Poor Cornell, they thought the “safety school” chants were done for the year. They’ve only just begun.

-I think the idea of a mid-major beating one of the top four Big East seeds is preposterous. UConn, Louisville, and Georgetown all have a good chance of facing a mid-major next round. Teams like St. Joe’s and Davidson can prepare all they want for the defenses of these seemingly impenetrable juggernauts, but they simply can’t prepare for the level of physicality of these sides. Habitually, in order for a mid-major to defeat a higher ranked opponent, they have to rely on hot shooting from the outside. The big boys of the Big East don’t just give up easy shots; they fight tooth and nail until the last tick of the shot clock to prevent an open look. Most mid-major sides have not played a team anywhere near as herculean as Georgetown, UConn, or Louisville, which means their bodies have not endured the physical punishment. A team can’t prepare for that in 48 hours. In particular, it seems like Davidson has become the trendy pick over second-ranked Georgetown. This, frankly, is absurd. Davidson has won a number of games in a row, but in their important games against elite teams earlier in the year, they were unable to prevail in close games, whereas Georgetown is 6-0 in identical scenarios. People claim that Stephen Curry will light the Hoyas up. You mean, just like Joe Alexander did last week? I’ll spare you the suspense. If Davidson plays Georgetown, Curry goes 5-17 for fourteen points in a losing effort. Georgetown is one of the best defensive teams in the country, the likes of which Davidson has yet to face this year. I think an outcome more likely than an upset is an extremely frustrated Davidson struggling to reach the 50 point mark.

-Best Quote so far: “Humphrey and Burrell (who are marking each other on defense) are pounding each other down there!” God Bless CBS

-Every year, my favorite part of the tournament is when my least favorite white player is eliminated from the tourney, and he cries like a little bitch and CBS just eats it up. In the past few years, we’ve had epic breakdowns from cracker greats like Adam Morrison and J.J. Reddick. This year, the sobfest I really can’t wait to see is when Chris Paulus and the Dukies go down way earlier than they expect and the tears start gushing through the ducts. In the words of Eric Cartman, there is nothing tastier than “the sweet tears of unfathomable sadness. Yummy.”

No Rive Brog for Georgetown vs. Pitt

Because they don’t let fans bring laptops into the Garden.  Hoya Saxa

If I See One More Commercial for “Black Magic,” I Will… Write an Angry Letter to ESPN. Take That!

Type Black Magic into Wikipedia and do you get a synopsis of ESPN’s upcoming documentary? Nope, you get this: “a type of magic that draws on malevolent powers.” The entry goes on to inform the reader that “black magic would be invoked to kill, injure, or cause destruction, or for personal gain without regard to harmful consequences to others.” Well, played ESPN. As far as I can tell, the title of your movie implies the integration of blacks into college basketball was done to “cause destruction for personal gain without regard to harmful consequences to others.” Ruh-roh, somebody didn’t do his research! As well, Harry Potter fans throughout the world are livid and to further exacerbate these incipient tensions I will exclusively refer to Jesse Jackson (one of the narrators of “Black Magic”) as Lord Voldemort from here on out. The theme of the movie appears to be that we Americans have ‘forgotten’ about Texas Western’s championship run during which they accomplished the unprecedented feat of winning it all by fielding an all-black starting lineup. First of all, is anyone shocked at the pervasive apathy towards this subject? That a coach using an all-black team won the National Championship? No way! Get out of town! How did he ever come up with such an absurd hypothesis?! And the testicular fortitude to carry out the plan?! Simply incredible! Not. Furthermore, the claim is a bit misleading. Yes, they were the first all-black team to win it all, but a number of teams that had started upwards of four black players had already won the National Championship. Texas Western just eliminated the token white dude and without this pale hindrance was able to dominate slower, more pallid sides. The legend of Texas Western was not a Jackie Robinson-esque tale of a remarkable triumph over adversity. Though ESPN has broadened the scope of the film to intertwine the Texas Western story with the concurrent Civil Rights movement, it feels to me more like an attempt by ESPN to garner higher ratings by preying upon the omnipresent sentiments of guilt within white America for slavery than a story of victory over bigotry. I’m gonna pass on seeing this one, cause I saw “The Master Debaters” or whatever that movie was called so I’ve already filled my black empowerment movie quota for the year.

RIVE BROG: WVU vs. Georgetown

Here’s how its going to work: I’m only going to use one entry and will continually update it throughout the game with inane observations and unfunny insults. If, for whatever reason, its malfunctioning, email me and I’ll try to remedy the situation.

6:20- A few pregame thoughts:

This matchup features 2 first team all Big East players. That would be impressive except the Big East had 11 players in their conference first team this year, opting to emulate Little League awards ceremonies so as to not hurt anyone’s feelings. West Virginia’s representative, Joe Alexander has been playing lights out basketball recently, but he undoubtedly will not put up 34 points (as he did yesterday against UConn) facing Gtown’s tenacious D. If Alexander can score 25 points, West Virginia might have a shot. A key point for Georgetown is rebounding. They’ve rebounded well thus far in the tourney, with a +6 rebounding margin over Nova. This is an area in which Georgetown has not excelled this year, especially on the offensive end, but yesterday Gtown rebounded with a lot of intensity. If the Hoyas are to win, this will be essential. Most importantly, Georgetown has to avoid getting stuck in, what Doug Gottlieb calls, the “Fool’s Gold” offense (no relation to the craptacular movie). This means that Georgetown should not count on a few early converted threes to last for the duration. This strategy worked yesterday, but was an anomaly to say the least. Georgetown will not be able to shoot with the same incredible accuracy from downtown as they did against Villanova. It is imperative for Georgetown to involve Hibbert offensively early in the low post. I like to call this the “Gold” offense because that’s the most valuable shit we got.

As well, Georgetown has the chance to shut up another team incessantly complaining that a controversial refereeing decision is the only reason they were beaten by the Hoyas. As time expired in West Virginia a few months back, Pat Ewing rejected a WVU shot that would have won the game. West Virginia feels it should have been a goaltending. Georgetown thinks it was a great no-call. Even if they had “challenges” in basketball, there was no indisputable evidence either way. Georgetown would love to beat West Virginia to put the pundits’ “lucky” claim to rest and West Virginia wants to prove they can beat a high caliber opponent, something with which they’ve struggled all season. Should be a good one. In the words of Jand Barbero,“Hoya Tittyfucking Saxa!”

6:25- (from the Brog’s Madison Square Garden correspondent, Petey K) “Not surprisingly, a LOT of gold outside. WFVU and Pitt both traveled well. Decent gtown contingent. Again, hoyas (you and I excluded) have jobs, so they’ll arrive later. WFVU fans have no such restrictions.”

6:30- Pete informs me that Harp is only 50 cents more than Bud Light at the Garden: an easy decision for our Irish friend.

6:45- (PTK) “Chris Wright, I shit you not, began his warm ups shooting exclusively 22-footers behind the NBA line. He made his first 8.” We’ll talk more about this later, but I’m of the impression that Chris Wright could be the key to a deep tourney run for the Hoyas.

6:55- Bob Knight just called his wife his best recruit. Ugh, cop out. Why can’t he be doing the pray-by-pray? His insight is just too valuable. By the way, how long until he throws a chair at a Sportscenter anchor? My money’s on during the Sweet Sixteen.

7:05- A few seasons ago, the Georgetown faithful hung banners around campus in anticipation of the matchup with West Virginia that read: “Beat the Brokeback Mountain-eers.” Which was totally not funny. At all. And I definitely wasn’t jealous that I hadn’t come up with that myself. Also not funny is referring to WVU as Woefully Vapid University, Whatta Vagina University, Wankers and Vagabonds University, Without Values University, What’s Virginity? University, the Mountaqueers, or the Methaneers.

7:07- No! Our sideline reporter is Doris “bugaboo” Burke. Where is Erin Andrews? Sad panda.

7:08- A MONSTER dunk from Hibbert off of a rebound. His tournament scoring average is now 1.0 ppg

7:12- Alex Ruoff is currently shooting zero percent from the field tonight, which, coincidentally enough, for four of Huggins’ years at Cincinnati was also the team’s graduation rate.

7:15- Joe Alexander was born in Taiwan, which gives him Brog props. The fact that he could survive Taiwan for that long says a lot about his “sticktuitiveness.”

7:17- Roy remains perfect from downtown for the season. West Virginia knows its in trouble if the Hoyas 7 foot center is burying treys.

7:20- Apparently Joe Alexander is allowed as many dribbles as he’d like.

7:23- Why do I always have to poo JUST as the game starts? I had all day today but nooooo. Ugh, it’s going to be a long rest of the first half.

-7:24- Each game for Georgetown thusfar, a senior has stepped up early to set the tone for the game. Yesterday it was Wallace, today its Hibbert. He’s already got seven points and has forced a number of turnovers

7:26- Another update from Pete: “best taunt so far, courtesy of an industrious Pitt fan in back of us “Go burn a couch you hick fucks”. Don’t reckon he’ll be around by the time Pitt is actually playing.”

7:28- Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy! 2 easy layups for Roy. He looks indestructible at this point.

7:33-West Virginia has done a great job of keeping Jonathan Wallace quiet. Unfortunately for the Mountaineers, Georgetown is a multi-faceted team, and shutting down one player isn’t going to do the trick. As well, DaJuan Summers, except for the time he slipped, has done a tremendous job on Joe Alexander, limiting him to only one field goal.

7:35- Pete informs me that “Bob Huggins looks like he’s 400 pounds. And we’re 100 yards away….Seriously, he looks like a !really shitty mascot.” Ladies and Gentlemen, your West Virginia coach, Bob Huggins! More on the anti-Christ later.

7:38- My buddy Fong is in London and listening to the game on the radio there. Apparently, the Brits have picked up a few early 2000’s African-American colloquialisms. While describing the play of Roy Hibbert, the announcer proclaimed: “He can bling. He can bling”

7:41- I don’t understand why teams don’t “hack a Macklin” when Georgetown is in the penalty? He’s only a 20-some percent free throw shooter. Even with Georgetown’s propensity to turn the ball over, wrapping up Macklin has to be a better defensive strategy. JT3 would immediately remove him, but it would limit Georgetown’s Hibbert replacements. I’m happy that no one has done this yet, especially because I feel its against the spirit of the game.

7:43- Good to see the refs are singlehandedly trying to reaffirm the myth that Georgetown is lucky by calling everything for West Virginia.

7:46- My father on Bob Huggins (completely unaware of Pete’s remarks): “Geez, he’s put on some weight. His tiny pinhead is the same size as his fat neck.”

7:53- Things are looking up for West Virginia, though. Pete informs me one of their fans won the musical chairs contest at half time.

8:00- A few thoughts before the second half. Georgetown looks like a Final Four team. Their defense is as bulldogged (hardy har har) as ever, and have limited the apple of every ESPN commentator’s eye Joe Alexander to only a handful of points.

I’d like to see Jonathan Wallace be a little more involved offensively in the second half. But if he doesn’t, its not the end of the world, as long as everyone else continues to step up. The Hoyas offense is not contingent upon major production from Wallace. He knows this, and I doubt you’ll see him force up any bad shots just to get on the score sheet.

The most important thing right now for Georgetown is to continue to assert themselves early in the second half. They were in a remarkably similar situation yesterday, having completely outplayed Villanova in the first and had an 11 point lead. However, Georgetown allowed Nova to score 11 points on the trot to start the second period to level the game. A few buckets early could be the difference between a second half stroll, or another taxing, down to the wire ordeal.

I’ll be back in a few minutes, time for a grapefruit juice and pee break.

8:05- A buddy of mine, Berry, is at the game, and Pete informs me that he’s holding a “Jonathan Wallace can divide by zero” sign. A smart joke, I obviously don’t have to tell you what school he attended

8:09- Gyllenhal passes to Ledger reincarnated for an easy bucket. The Brokeback Mountaineer thing almost works with Ruoff ( Ledger) and Joe Alexander (Gyllenhal) (I can feel their unspoken amorous connection through the TV screen) until we extend it to coaching because Bob Huggins, a three hundred pound gorilla, is no Ang Lee, a wee Asian man.

8:12- - The proportion of West Virginia’s adult population with a bachelor’s degree is the lowest in the U.S. at 15.3%. So it’s safe to say that a lot of people pulling for WVU at this game didn’t actually go there.

8:15- Pete informs me that Pitt has the best looking fans, but Georgetown has the most Asian fans. I’m glad to be backing the right team.

8:18- One of the many ways DC is superior to WV…Notable television personality from Washington DC: Dave Chapelle. Notable television personality from West Virginia: Ashley on “That’s Amore.” How is this game still close?

8:20- It’s been economically proven that during the World Cup, for each round that England or Ireland progress, the pub industry makes anywhere between 500 million to a billion pounds more than they would have otherwise. I wonder if Frito-Lay has a similar “Funyuns Corollary” for each subsequent round in which West Virginia plays.

8:22- In Chinese there’s an expression “Ri qu zhong yao” to become more important with each passing day, and the expression perfectly defines Chris Wright’s role in this Georgetown team. Sidelined for most of the season with a foot injury, Chris Wright was unable to provide the Hoyas with a true point guard (J-Wall, as much as I love him, often times acts like a shooting guard in a point guard’s body). His ability to penetrate and dish to wide-open spot up shooters was an integral part of Georgetown’s victory over Villanova. He just missed two free throws, but the Brog has been very impressed with his play thus far. His ability to penetrate and dish will make him very dangerous come tourney time.

8:23- Oh, and he just got a tech. Way to make me look stupid, Christopher.

8:25- Remember that time I was all, like, hey, the refs seem to be giving WFVU a few calls. That last one was completely inexplicable, even the announcers were perplexed.

8:27- Did you know that West Virginia is the third poorest state in the union and its principal economic resource is coal? But, hey, things are looking up for West Virginia because I’ve been hearing a lot about this new invention called the “steam engine” that runs on the stuff and is supposed to really revolutionize the way we travel. They also grow a lot of “ginseng.” So, forgive the Mountaineers if they’re slow to react at times; it’s probably because of the “ginseng.”

8:29- Georgetown is 1-6 from the line. ouch.

8:31- Did you know West Virginia also has more registered sex offenders per capita than any other state? No, not really, but it didn’t sound that preposterous, right?

8:34- Georgetown has played stifling defense over the past few minutes allowing the Hilltoppers to go on an 8-0 run, culminating in a DaJuan Summers transition slam. Exclamation point!

8:37- You think Roy was disappointed in his performance yesterday? Not only does he have 23 points with seven minutes left, he has 9 OFFENSIVE rebounds.

8:40- Wait, wait Doris Burke, you’re telling me that Patrick Ewing, Jr. is THE Patrick Ewing’s son! And Jeremiah Rivers is Doc’s son! Basketball Genes galore! I’d love to go one telecast where they just don’t mention this. Really, if you can’t tell from facial features alone that Patty and Jeremiah are related to Patrick and Doc, respectively, perhaps you should consult your optometrist.

8:42- If I were a current player for WVU, I’d be a little concerned with my future. Not because they’re losing by a barrel full, but because of their coach. Let’s look at how some of the young men under the tutelage of Bob Huggins have turned out: Ruben Patterson, registered sex offender; Corie Blount, acted in Eddie; Danny Fortson, second in the league in technical fouls in 05-06; DerMarr Johnson, recently tasered outside a Denver nightclub for not respecting a policeman’s authoritah; Kenyon Martin: fined on multiple occasions for excessive profanity towards fans. Obviously, Huggins is a tremendous influence and terrific at molding a young man’s character into that of an upstanding citizen.

8:44- Georgetown is winning by so much for one reason: they’ve taken care of the ball. Everytime Georgetown’s been in a close game, its because they’ve committed so many slapdash turnovers. Today however, Georgetown only has a handful of turnovers which is what allowed them to go on a 16-0 run to put the game away.

8:48- It’s time to hand out a few awards for some of the players on the court this evening

-the Kevin Pittsnogle award for the player most likely to serve domino’s at his wedding: Alex Ruoff!

-the Kevin Pittsnogle award for the player most likely to hold his wedding in his high school gym and the reception in an old folks home: Darris Nichols!

-the Kevin Pittsnogle award for the player most likely to name his firstborn Kwynsie: DaSean Butler!

-the Kevin Pittsnogle award for the player most likely to conceive a child prior to graduation: Joe Mazzula!

-the Kevin Pittsnogle award for the player most likely to kill puppies in his spare time: Joe Alexander

-the Kevin Pittsnogle award for the player most likely to have friends who operate meth labs out of trailers: Smallgrin!

8:50-Mr. Huggins, I believe that’s your cue to get obliterated and get behind the wheel..you know, the usual.

8:51- THERE ARE NO CINDERELLAS

Georgetown vs. Villanova Preview

Both sides of the aisle have to be happy with this match up. Villanova is obviously ecstatic because they advanced in such dominating fashion over Syracuse to win the battle of the safety schools (excluding Newhouse) to play Georgetown in the first round. This has all but assured Nova an invitation to the Big Dance. Furthermore, the Wildcats get a chance to avenge their second most nefarious loss of the season (the first being the phantom call against NC State in Orlando). For those of you who did not see the first encounter between these two Catholic institutions, it was tied with less than a second remaining and Villanova was whistled for a foul which resulted in a Jonathan Wallace trip to the free throw line that sealed the game for Georgetown (To clarify: it was clearly a foul. However, since there was no feasible way J-Wall could have released a shot before the end of regulation I feel the ref should have used his discretion, kept his whistle in his pocket, and allowed overtime to decide the outcome). Nova isn’t the only team who benefits from this matchup; Georgetown did NOT want to play Syracuse in a hostile, partisan environment such as Madison Square Garden. The Hoyas have fared horribly against ‘Cuse in recent seasons, especially in Syracuse supporter strongholds. No matter how shoddy a season they have, the Cuse look like a different team when they play the Hoyas (38-12 anyone?).  Though the Orangemen (not the Orange) are the Hoyas’ arch rival, Georgetown considers Nova to be a legitimate rival, and would relish the opportunity to defeat Villanova in a non-tainted fashion. As for a result, if Villanova shoots the ball the way they did in the second half against Syracuse, they could beat any team in the nation. This is highly unlikely however because Georgetown has one of the best field goal defenses in the country. Expect another close game between the two powerhouses, but look for the number nine team in the country to prevail.

Hasheem Thabeet: Desperately in Need of an Appropriate Nickname

The Big East Tournament is upon us and I can’t help but be consumed with joy that Syracuse is already eliminated. Even though I’m ecstatic about the Big East Tourney, I’ve been plagued by the fact that UConn center Hasseem Thabeet doesn’t yet have an appropriate nickname. His current nickname is “Dopey,” but that lack of creativity, when the potential for awesomeness is exponential, especially anything relating to the seven dwarfs, just won’t cut it. Thabeet hails from the East African nation of Tanzania (or as the locals call it, T-Zed which is extremely British ghetto-fabulous) and desperately needs a nickname pertaining to his native land. Unfortunately, the Tanzanian Tree is really no longer applicable because the Storrs star has developed from a malleable “arborial” figure into a menace in the paint. Here’s what I’ve come up with thus far: the Dar-es-Salaam Destroyer, the Mzungu Monger (‘mzungu’ means ‘whitey’ in Kiswahili, so this implies that he eats Crackers for breakfast), and the Serengeti Swatter (for his propensity for blocking shots). I don’t know what ethnicity Thabeet is (and don’t say ‘black,’ r-tard), so he could choose from one of these, depending on to which of the following tribal groups he belongs: The Crazy Nyamwezi; The Masai Marauder; The Luo N’Ranger; The Nyakyusa Big-Game Produca’. If anyone else has an idea, do let me know. This needs to be resolved before the real tourney. And if anyone can get a hold of Gus Johnson’s email, he should be privy to this information. Tangent: if Facebook is running the CBS bracket this year, does this mean Gus Johnson is on Facebook? If so, I’m requesting his friendship immediately.