Cuba’s First Capitalist Steps: One Day of Economic Freedom, and They’re Already Abusing the System!

-This week, Raul Castro eased consumer regulations throughout the country, for the first time in decades allowing Cuban citizens to purchase electronics, use cell phones, and stay at hotels (previously, a privilege afforded only to foreigners). However, it appears that Cuban citizens are taking a page out of the American-based Hispanics’ book: buying dispensable electronics with income they don’t have! Zing!

-This means Cubans will be racking up credit debt without a credit card. What is this, 1880 rural Nebraska? Except, instead of going to the general store to buy foodstuffs with the supposedly imminent harvest as collateral, the Cubans are buying superfluous electronics…and I’m guessing the collateral will be IOUs? Mr. General Store owner, that’s as good as money. Those are IOUs.

-This article highlights some of the modern electronics that stores are now allowed to sell, such as the “21-inch television.” Wow, do you have that in color?!

-People often cite Cuba’s healthcare system as one of its most impressive features. No, by far the best government edict has lamentably been lifted this week: the ban against cell phones. Imagine: a country where you can walk down the streets or college campuses (!) without listening to your Ipod. Lord knows in America you can’t, otherwise you’re subjected to the omnipresent squawking of young females clad in juicy couture. The mental image I had created of Havana was that of a city filled with 1950’s gangster cars (most automobiles are pre-embargo) where the melodic strumming of Buena Vista Social Club resonate from vibrant cafes where mojitos are served and Gong Li wants to tango with me (evidently, Miami Vice is this delusion’s primary inspiration). Now, this semi-utopian chimera has been decimated and replaced with boulevards lined with dilapidated buildings and bubblegum-chewing teenagers projecting their voices so that all can hear that “tu no vas a creer lo que mi mama dijo….no….no…peor. Ella ha dicho que..”como,” no puedo ir a la playa con Pablo….Yo se…Yo se! Yo estaba, como, mama, no soy una nina. Tengo quince anos! Ay Dios mios!” Shoot me now (and, yes, I was trying to make the most crass, Americanized Spanish conversation possible. And it’s funnier for it).

And, I officially win the “Insensitive Asshole of the Week” award for this post.

Nicaragua: The World’s Newest Little Bitch

Since the advent of nation states, hegemonies and regional powers have existed. How did they attain their status as a leading nation? By making other countries their bitches. Before the introduction of détente, this was done usually by asserting military supremacy, directly or indirectly; nowadays, it’s usually monetary considerations that drive the master/bitch relationship. A bitch is defined as a nation that recognizes the dominance of another country, invariably supports the prevailing power and will not stand up to this preeminent nation, but, at the same time, will assert some independence on issues that don’t pertain to relations with the dominant nation, nor will the “bitch” compromise its morals or culture in order to emulate the “master.” A good example would be Japan and America. Japan wholeheartedly supports United States’ initiatives, even when it’s unpopular to do so, because they know that the US singlehandedly built their economy into the second largest in the world. At the same time, Japan is a true regional power that dictates its own agenda in the West Pacific. This degree of detachment is imperative, otherwise a nation is no longer just a bitch; it’s a little bitch. In recent history, there have been a number of countries that have enthusiastically embraced the role of little bitch. Albania was China’s little bitch throughout the sixties and early seventies. In the early sixties, Cuba was the Soviet Union’s little bitch until Fidel Castro realized he was merely a pawn, and he, in turn, asserted his country’s own dominance. Southern Lebanon still is Iran’s little bitch. This week, Nicaragua unofficially declared itself Venezuela’s little bitch. Since the 1980’s and the Sandinista revolution, socialism has had a strong foundation in this Central American country, and under Daniel Ortega’s presidency, the government’s socialist policies have augmented substantially. Thus, it’s not surprising that he’s allied himself with Latin America’s resident socialist psychopath, Hugo Chavez. This week, when Chavez temporarily suspended diplomatic relations with Colombia after a border skirmish that infringed upon Ecuadorian sovereignty, Nicaragua promptly followed suit. A few days later, Venezuela restored its relations with Colombia at the Rio Group summit. And guess what? Nicaragua, once again, fell in line with Chavez. Why? Because Nicaragua is a little bitch.

Post-Fidel Cuba: More of the Same

As a Floridian, the first brog item has to be about the retirement of our cantankerous neighbor to the south, Senor Fidel Castro. As is well documented, the majority of Castro’s tenure as Cuba’s tyrant was devoted to antagonizing the captain of Tem Capitalist (the US). What still tickles my sides is that, prior to the early 1960’s, Castro was quite fond of America. Castro ventured to the United States on multiple occasions in an attempt to garner support for his nascent revolution (which was not overtly Communist at the time, and more focused on overthrowing Bautista). However, after firmly entrenching himself in the Russian camp, his attitudes towards the Estados Unidos morphed drastically, and sensing disaster, many Cubans emigrated en masse to Florida and New York. Since then, Cubans have become an integral aspect of the cultural fabric of our country, yet many long for the opportunity to return to a democratic Cuba. Well, guess what? Fidel’s retirement isn’t going to make that chimera a reality anytime soon. While attending the nation’s finest Jesuit institute of higher learning, I took a class called “Cuba: Post-Castro/Regime Change,” (I was the only non-Hispanic in the class and thus was able to convince the teacher to give me a sympathy A-, high five!), a fascinating, in-depth into a question that has been on the minds of Cubans and Americans a like for some time: “What the eff is going to happen once Fidel is gone?” The consensus amongst the preeminent scholars in the field was remarkably consistent: nothing! There will be no drastic change! A smooth transition with Fidel’s younger brother Raul Castro taking over the helm without straying too significantly from his brother’s radical ideals was the prognostication of almost everyone (though most did not predict that Fidel would voluntarily abdicate his Communist throne; most assumed the passing of the torch would occur posthumously). This begs the ultimate question: what will happen when RAUL (not Fidel) dies? During Raul’s term, however, there will be some changes: most notably, on the economic front, where one can look for Cuba to revalue its peso and further emulate China’s brand of “market socialism,” a strategy advocated by Raul (who has spent considerable amounts of time in the Far East to learn about the Chinese way as recently as 2005) far more than his elder brother. Oscar Espinosa Chepe, a Miami Herald columnist went as far as to claim that Raul would go down in history as Cuba’s Deng Xiaoping (the man who singlehandedly transformed China’s economy from an agrarian shitbox to a modern, sophisticated one. This assertion about Raul Castro is an exaggeration, in my opinion, but it is not too far off the mark). As well, I see Raul further increasing Cuba’s ties with China (I was ecstatic two years ago to write a thirty page paper on Cuban-Chinese relations. Worst Thanksgiving Break ever). This is by no means a groundbreaking observation considering everyone and their mother is trying to heighten economic ties with the Middle Kingdom. Cuba has an advantage, though, because, in spite of previously difficult spells in their relations, the current Chinese politburo has a soft spot for the Caribbean nation. Though China and Cuba had frosty relations prior to 1989, with the demise of the Soviet Union (who singlehandedly supported the Castro experiment), Fidel went to China, hat in hand, begging for charity, and China was more than happy to oblige. Furthermore, Cuba has some interesting Chinese connections. 1 percent of Cuba’s population is ethnically Chinese (remember in Miami Vice when Gong Li played a Chinese-Cuban, and everyone in the theater was all like “why did they cast a Chinese chick to play a Cuban?” This is why!) and Cuba has the oldest Chinatown in Latin America. Currently, China represents 10% of Cuba’s foreign trade. China has signed very lucrative 500 million USD deal concerning nickel mining with Cuba, in addition to less transparent military support. Raul, a far more enthusiastic supporter of the Chinese, will likely be able to increase military and economic aid from the current Communist juggernauts, but as for the opening of Cuba to US companies and tourists? I wouldn’t count on it during the Raul regime, and definitely not until Fidel passes on to his next life, where he will be reincarnated as a dung beetle.