The Top 10 Most Depressing Music Videos

For those who are intimately familiar with my tastes in music, they’re in fact not confined to bubblegum pop;actually, I adore depressing music. This probably stems from the fact that because in eighth grade the least cool thing ever could be to love life, and since I had pretty much an ideal childhood with loving parents and siblings (that’s not sarcasm either), I couldn’t exactly extract any despair from that; so I just relied on other people’s traumatic experiences to quench my thirst for misery. And, well, the habit stuck. I can hardly relate to the music, but I empathize with their pain and I find listening to songs (and their accompanying videos which serve to accentuate the plight depicted in the song) like these to be almost cathartic.

I obviously excluded anything with Puffy or Nickleback or anyone else whose videos teem with pageantry as well as others that lacked sincerity or true torment. Bands like Simple Plan and Blink-182 whose attempt to portray heartbreak is almost amusing in its dearth of authenticity were  definitely not included (Note: it’s a ‘shame’ Stabbing Westward videos categorically suck because they would’ve been ideal candidates for this contest). Here we go: 

-Pearl Jam: Off of Pearl Jam’s epic album “Ten,” mega-single “Jeremy” caused a stir because of its disturbing music video, which eerily foreshadows the Colombine and other school shootings

-Corneille: “Seul au monde.” This Quebec-based hip-hop artist was raised in Rwanda and was the only member of his family to survive the genocide. He frequently sings about his trials and triumphs dealing with this tragedy and this song is no exception; “Alone in the World” depicts his life in a world eons away from his childhood friends and family.

-Johnny Cash: Originally composed by Trent Reznor, “Hurt” is supposedly about Cash’s deceased wife. A powerfully mournful ballad: I admit, I cried when I heard it.

-Jay Chou: The first song on “November’s Chopin,” Ye Qu (meaning “Nocturnes”) tragically tells the tale of love loss. Even though it’s in Chinese, it doesn’t take a minor in the language to understand his pain.

-Elliot Smith: “Needle in the Hay.” Gaining notoriety after the release of the movie “Royal Tenenbaums,” this song was an integral part of the most heart-wrenching scene in the film, when Luke Wilson attempts to commit both suicide and alopecia. Elliot Smith, after writing this album, would later commit suicide.

-Kyo: The title of “Je saigne encore” translates to “I Still Bleed” and discusses in alarmingly precise detail the pains of witnessing the one you love in love with another.

-Bloc Party: Though I don’t believe this is the real “Positive Tension” music video, this representation of the devastating effect of heroine abuse is extremely poignant.

-Ben Folds: I don’t care if you call me a fag, “Brick” is an emotionally exhausting song, chronicling a young couple’s decision to have an abortion and then confronting their parents with this information.

-The Cranberries: “Zombie,” a song illustrating the horrors of the “Terrors,” as the Northern Irish struggle for independence is colloquially known, serves as a grounding for people who like to conceive the war in more idyllic terms (though I do take exception to some of the idolatry in the video).

 

-Placebo’s cover of “Running Up That Hill” is pretty much the opposite side of the spectrum from the Kate Bush original. The band allowed fans to send in their own videos, spliced them, and created the official music video. Though some folks are obviously just trying to get on camera, the anguish in the eyes of others jumps through the computer screen, and you know they understand.

French Female Singers Who Ooze Sensuality

This song is INCREDIBLE. It’s by a band called Superbus, a European powerpop/rock band that hail from Frenchyland. The lead singer is a very good looking (straight) femme but this song is about the first time she had a crush on a girl. The song is just teeming with sexual energy. Even if you don’t speak French,  I implore you to give it a try. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ig3g7U8wDM

-Another song pertaining to female sexuality is this one by YELLE courtesy of Tals “Krokidilia” Vatman. The music video looks both innocuous and psychedelic, but the message is dirty enough to make Lil Kim blush. The chorus pretty much informs us that, before she has sex with a male, she wants to see him in a pornographic video so that she can see the size of his dick and whether or not he has “Olympic” level skill in the sack. In the immortal words of Zhong Han: “Classic porn!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LawV-IR6h0

Lamentable French Notes

-The focal point of Lyon’s skyline is the Credit Lyonnais building, colloquially referred to as “le crayon” (the pencil), a forty story building that pierces the Central French sky. I personally think this giant copper monstrosity (there is no other building within 25 stories of the CL building) mars the traditional atmosphere exuded by the rest of Lyon. Lyon is your vintage European city, filled with cobblestone streets, innumerable churches, and countless traditionally French boutiques like charcuteries (stores that only sell pork products who I secretly suspect of financing Jean-Marie Le Pen’s political campaigns). Now CL is owned by Credit Agricole and the building is primarily a hotel which is why I say tear it down! (did I stay there? Of course, the view’s the shizzle!)

I just alluded to Jean-Marie Le Pen, and for those of you who don’t follow French politics as if your life depended on it, he’s the leader of France’s ultra-xenophobic Front National (FN) party. Imagine AIDS, cancer, and diarrhea all rolled into one and you have Jean-Marie Le Pen. He advocates abandoning the European Union and kicking out immigrants (he ran a campaign for President that loosely translates to down with the darkies). If Le Pen had his way, all Arabs and blacks would be kicked out. What about Eastern Europeans, they’re white? non, au revoir. What about his Catholic brethren the Portuguese? Nope, see ya. He’s like Hitler, except instead of desiring a populace consisting entirely of blond-haired, blue-eyed Aryans, Le Pen wants everyone to have big noses and B.O. Not so shockingly, he’s denied the Holocaust on several occasions and claimed that the French National Team did not deserve its 1998 French World Cup, because the team was not French (it fielded mostly black players). And as a soldier in the French war against Algeria, he allegedly tortured captives on a regular basis. Want to hear the truly terrifying part? He came in second place in the 2002 French Presidential election, qualifying him to compete in the final run-off election. In what is a gross oversimplification of the French electoral process, the first round is a free-for-all, with candidates from each of France’s myriad political parties contending. The top two move on to the next round in a first-past-the-post election to determine the president (there’s no Electoral College or anything similar). Le Pen beat incumbent Prime Minister Lionel Jospin of the Socialist Party. But everybody in France is Socialist! This electoral coup was largely due to a fractured left and a consolidated right, but it is startling that almost 1/5 of French constituents were willing to back this despicable human being. This was an obvious manifestation of mounting tensions in bifurcated France between white French and France’s increasing immigrant population, who many white French blame for current economic troubles.

-A few weeks ago, a famous world city’s post office announced it would stop delivering mail to certain zip codes due to the pervasive danger in the area. Where was it? Lagos? Bogota? Los Angeles? Incorrect. It was Paris. The banlieus where immigrants live have transformed from, as French rapper Passi describes, neighborhoods reminiscent of a “historic” country to ones that are more like a desolate “African” one. The traditional immigrant communities have always been impoverished, but had resisted the culture of violence which is ubiquitous in American ghettos, largely because the Muslim communities never embraced the drug trade. Recently, with more non-Muslim immigrants entering the country, the drug trade is thriving in these banlieus and so is the violence that is inextricably linked to “the game.” A telling indication of the influence of the growing drugs in France is the fact that we are even beginning to see the glorification of drug culture in French music. The traditional French rap greats like Passi, IAM, Manau (a bunch of white dudes from Bretagne who rap over Celtic music about Gaelic tribal warfare…freaking awesome) and, of course, MC Solaar, never espoused drug trafficking in order to alleviate poverty. Most lamented the dismal conditions in suburban Paris, Lyon, and Marseille and racial tensions in France, but advocated government action to ameliorate the status quo, not supporting illicit activities to overcome poverty. Now, artists like “Le Criminal” (what a douche) lionize the easy riches and supposed good life of the drug game. Sound familiar to anyone? Like, perhaps, America? The next generation of immigrant adolescents will now be even less inclined to embrace education as a way to escape misery and will be far more likely to emulate the life that surrounds them on a daily basis; the life depicted in the lyrics of rap songs.

This is Why SFSers Should Not Become Music Icons

Are you familiar with the American singer Amerie? Until last week, I considered her musical persona rather enigmatic. She doesn’t seem to pander to American audiences. She invited Laotian-French R & B giant Willy Denzey (he is supercool; youtube: L’orphelin, Et si tu n’existais pas, Mon royaume, and Cette lettre) to feature in her song “Losin’ U.” As well, she brought in Korean hip-hop’s Se7en (they should really consider changing their name if they want to break into the American market, because all I think about when I see Se7en written like that is Gwyneth Paltrow’s head in a box) for a track. She even participated in the song for Amel Bent’s condom advocacy campaign “Protège-toi.” I couldn’t understand why this singer didn’t seem to care about augmenting her appeal in the States, and why she opted to concentrate on foreign markets, so I finally Wikipedia-ed her. There, I discovered that she attended good ole’ Georgetown. Oooooh, now it all makes sense!

The Story Everyone Should Have Been Talking About During the Barbadoan Elections

The Barbados election was missing something though: everyone’s favorite Barbadian hottie, Rihanna! Those campaign managers missed a marketing gold mine! Imagine Rihanna stumping for candidates making terrible puns like “Everyone can stand under the Democratic Labor Party’s Umbrella-ella-ella,” or, “I Hate How Much I Love You, David Thompson of the Democratic Labor Party!”Or, even launching a smear campaign against the opposition: “Beware of the Barbados Labor Party, they’re Unfaithful!” and “If the BLP wins, I’ll have to send out an SOS! David Thompson, come and Rescue Me!” This is why I no longer have friends.

I So Have A Man-Crush On Jay Chou

And for any of you Chinee speakers out there, this Qi Li Xiang, uhh, interpretation is perversely hilarious. It took me a few times to warm to this video (and to understand it!) because Qi Li Xiang is my favorite Chinese song in the history of music (anyone who has gone to karaoke with me has had to endure my painful rendition of Jay Chou’s masterpiece), but eventually I was able to recognize the genius of it.

Embrace Your Inner 14-year Old Girl!

Also, as alluded to previously, I have a soft spot for Fall Out Boy. And even if you don’t, these videos are pretty funny.

Reasons To Live: #764 Bloc Party

In an attempt to regain some musical face, I will reveal to you the largest contributor to my top 25 list: Bloc Party! (which I insist on saying in a delightfully dreadful /borderline unintelligible Cockney accent) Bloc Party has seven entries on mah prayrist. (And in second place, of course, is Moroccan hip-hop sensation Amine with 3 ½ songs. How’d you know?!) If you’ve yet to give Bloc Party a try, I highly recommend it (be warned: there are some anti-American undertones and a lot of drug references, though they’re mostly critical of the East London drug scene). It’s a diverse band, consisting of a Nigerian front man (no gratuitous racism, that’s my new year’s resolution), a half Chinese drummer, and a pair of Brits on the geetar. A couple of recommendations you say? Try “Flux,” (think of rock music attempting to employ club beats, and, it actually works!) “Helicopter,” (my ringtone, NBD),“Hunting for Witches,” (a brilliant criticism of media-induced paranoia), “Positive Tension Blackbox Remix, (heroine=bad)” and “Kreuzberg.” (A thought-provoking love ballad set in the heart of this traditionally communist/increasingly homosexual Berlin neighborhood). Why am I waxing on about Bloc Party you ask? Well, one of the most consistent criticisms of Bloc Party is that Kele Okereke’s thick, partially Liverpuldian/semi- Essex accent is impossible to understand. And there is definitely some validity to this assessment as is evident by these two hirarious videos of the misheard lyrics to “Banquet” and “Helicopter.”

I Do Not Deserve To Live

I take pride in what I consider to be my eclectic and cultured music tastes. Musical discussions with me, as a music snob, are infuriating because I am so obstinate, irrational and condescending . For example, I despise Sublime and Aerosmith for no other reason than that they suck, and nothing anyone can say can convince me otherwise. Conversely, I will unremittingly defend music that has no inherent musical value, but that I happen to find aurally pleasing (count it!), much to the chagrin of my fellow conversation participants (par exemple, my (brief) senior year musical crush on Fall Out Boy, and, my most blatant and most often criticized musical “flaw,” the fact that I’m an Orlando boy band apologist. More simply put, I rove the Backstreet Boys). Well, today, an event took place that screamed “time to get off your high horse, SOS.” T-Pain’s “Buy You a Drank” entered my Top 25 Playlist. I am so ashamed I could commit seppuku. T-Pain stands for everything that I think is wrong with the 21^st century American music industry. T-Pain couldn’t carry a note if his life depended on it. His lyrics redefine inane. He uses a synthesizer to make his voice sound remotely appealing. He objectifies women and promotes promiscuous sex (and conservative SOS rears his ugly head!). And I bought into it. I’m as bad as the average American hip hop fan that I patronize on a seemingly hourly basis. (For the record, I listened to the Sick Bed of Cuchulainn by the Pogues three times in a row to remove the aforementioned monstrosity from my Top 25.)