Droppin’ Bombs

As is custom amongst English speaking youths, we’ve created a number of euphemistic abbreviations for curse words that involve the word “bomb,” in order to avoid saying particularly awful expressions in order to not offend the delicate sensibilities of polite company (or to avoid being labeled as a racist/misogynist/physicist so that you can still score some hot liberal chick..I mean, what?). Par exemple, the c-bomb (rhymes with runt), the n-bomb (think of the country Niger, then add a ‘g’), the h-bomb (hydrogen), and of course, the infamous f-bomb. Within the white American community at least, the two former expressions are considered extremely offensive (and, of course, when a white guy drops the n-bomb in front of a black person…not good. Very very not good. However, when used within the black community, the n-bomb is relatively inoffensive), but we’ve become so desensitized to the f-bomb, I feel it no longer needs to belong in the explosion category. I mean, I use the f-word in front of my parents; my mother even uses it on occasion when peeved (this would have NEVER happened ten years ago). If someone I just met refers to some mutual friend as a “fucking douchebag,” I’m not offended that he dropped the “f-bomb.” I’m usually just thinking, “yeah, that guy is a douchebag.” This is not designed to be a rant lamenting the waning significance of a great word (Fornication Under Carnal Knowledge baby!), but, rather, a proposal. There’s another f-word that really does startle me. It makes my skin crawl. It chills my bones. And every now and then, it will even offend my own robust sensibilities. That word is fiancé. Whenever a girl drops this f-bomb, and especially when a guy does, I instantly freeze up. I immediately forget the topic of conversation. A horrified expression overwhelms my chubby face. To me, this word is far more terrifying than fuck. In the words of Eric Cartman (sorry for the overload of South Park quotes, but they’re just too pertinent): “What’s wrong with fuck? Fuck doesn’t hurt anybody! Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck!” Fiancé, on the other hand, is mortifying. Please, at least around under-25 year old, commitment-phobic males, utilize the f-bomb. Our virgin ears can’t cope with the alternative.

Jerome Kerviel= Giant Douche

The other news development that I no me gusta-ed were the reports coming out of France that a “rogue-trader” (what an awesome word by the way!) almost single-handedly brought down the entire European economy, racking up 4.9 billion Euros of debt for French bank Société Générale. That’s utterly terrifying! With the promulgation of sovereign funds and super-empowered individuals (to use a Friedman-ism), single human beings are able to control disproportionately large sectors of the economy. Prior to this week, I assumed that only people like Murdoch, Gates, or Soros had the financial clout to manipulate the markets so drastically, but, because it’s in their best interest to maintain a robust economy, it never bothered me that individuals such as those mentioned above brandished so much economic prowess. However, with what transpired this week in Paris, I’m petrified. This week proved that a wacko (granted a very intelligent one) without any real power can bring down the global economy.

SOS + FRIENDS= MATURITY

Also while watching football, it came to fore that the New York “G’s” have a player with the last name of Hedgecock. The committee determined that “hedgecock” could be a new euphemism for a young lady/gay man with whorish tendencies.